There seems to be an unspoken understanding between adults when it comes to NSA meetups: the less you know about each other, the better the hookup will be.
It’s common knowledge that if you’re ever feeling capital “H” word, you always have the option to quickly log on to an online app or website to find someone else looking for a face to face (or a face to uh...not face) connection.
Maybe someone with a very straightforward “NSA” profile name sets the scene, you both agree on a time and place. Then, if all goes well, you both leave satisfied. Until next time.
I’ve always thought there was something inherently queer about the no strings attached experience — something almost beautiful about it’s simplicity, how ephemeral it can be, the opportunity to satisfy an urge for shared physical contact, and almost role-play without having to reveal too much about yourself. NSA hookups are a fleeting moment to share some limited part of yourself for however long you like. A brief moment of connection before continuing on with your day.
For a long time, NSA hook ups were what many non-queer people believed was the driving force behind (lgbtq+) sex. I remember when my straight friends found out about The Apps they were incredulous. “Wait,” they’d ask me, “you can just go online, and if there’s someone close that wants to have sex you can just message them and go do it? There could be someone in this restaurant right now?” The honest answer was almost always yes.
For my single friends specifically not looking for a long term relationship, these meetups can be a way to keep their loneliness at bay. And, although a quick hookup might be a little more complicated these days, one thing remains the same: communication is a top priority.
I can’t help but feel that a lot of our urges to indulge in an anonymous hookup up now and then stems from the knowledge that our lgbtqia+ elders spent years exploring their sexuality in a time before hook up apps and social media existed. A time when anonymity was sometimes necessary for their safety, and “strings” could endanger their lives.
Today, we’ve been given access to a world of touch and physical connection, and that’s something we get to celebrate. After a few messages sent back and forth, and maybe a mix of discreet photos that catch your attention...a hairy torso, a flexed bicep, lips, pits, hips... everything else left to the imagination can only be explored in person.