A lot of people misunderstand Tantra, according to Joel Benjamin, a Seattle-based tantra practitioner and teacher who goes by Powers of Man on X. “Most people think it’s this spiritual, mystical, sexual practice,” he says. “It is that, but it's also much deeper.” Joel explains Tantra as a longstanding philosophical practice that centers on mindfulness. “Anything can be tantric,” explains Brandon Anthony, a Los Angeles based Tantric practitioner and teacher. “You can tantrically wash the dishes,” he explains as long as you’re being present and intentional ”Tantra teaches us how to bring our minds back into the present moment no matter what we're doing,” Joel says, “and that includes our sex life.”
Having sex or hooking up with someone else isn’t just about cumming–it’s about the link between creative energy and sexual energy. Unlike a lot of other philosophies, Tantric practices understand the two as one in the same, which means that jerking off, hooking up, or having sex–in other words, creating that sexual energy–creates creative energy. But Tantric sexuality is about “the intention behind the connection,” Joel says. If you’re tapping into tantric practices, your intention should be to “generate that creative energy.” That’s where edging comes in.
For the uninitiated, edging is the practice of denying yourself an orgasm during sex or masturbation for extended periods, to theoretically enhance the pleasure when you eventually do cum. Edging can be a major part of dom/sub play–and ruined orgasms are a whole other story–but Tantra sees edging through a tantric lens. If ejaculating is releasing the energy you create, edging is meant to build up that creative sexual energy inside yourself. But that’s just step one. Anthony recommends dispersing that energy around your body “so that it's not just locked into my genital region, or my erogenous zones, but it's something that I can feel all throughout my body.” How to do that? “Breath, awareness, and intention,” Brandon says.
According to Joel, more creative energy just makes you feel better. “Over the years from practicing this,” he says, “I have really grown an appreciation for how much more vitality you have when you ejaculate less.” Anthony says that building a habit of retaining his sexual energy in his Tantra practice has made him feel "more powerful, more confident, and more sexual.”
That’s not to say that you can’t cum. “If you are going to release,” Joel advises, “make sure that you've taken your time and really built up enough of it so that you got some reserves.” He says edging for a minimum of thirty minutes is a good way to make sure you’ve got enough energy flowing before you finish. “Don't rub one out. There's no quickies in Tantra,” Joel says.
If you’re looking to create a Tantric experience with someone else, start with a conversation. Since the expectation for a hookup can often be to get each other off right away, make it clear that you’re looking to edge with your partner for a while before you finish. Edging with someone forces you to communicate with them,” Joel says. It forces each of you to look each other in the eye periodically and say, ‘Hey, I'm getting close.’ It forces you to pay attention to your own body and to their body, it forges connection.”
Edging is more than simply not cumming. Once you’ve started your edging session with your partner, Joel explains, focus on your breath, stay aware of your body, and don’t take it right to the edge. You don’t have to stay right on the edge of cumming. "Instead," Joel says, "keep it at about a five, if ten is an orgasm and one is a semi." But just because you’re not cumming right away, it doesn’t mean your experience won’t be memorable. “You can still have super intense experiences,” Joel says, “within the realm of focusing on connection."
