Screw VDay. Screw Your FWBs Instead.

Screw VDay. Screw Your FWBs Instead.

Written by Jonzu Jones

Valentine's Day is synonymous with love. Many believe this commercialized day is meant to be spent with a “singular” significant other, showering the SO with gifts, flowers, and affection. Recently single and blessed with countless hours to reflect on past Valentine’s Days, preoccupied with relationships, I realize that this holiday can be more stressful than enjoyable. The pressure to pull out all the stops, book that reservation way over budget, and materialize your undying love with a single purchase can take away from the spontaneity that needs to be at the heart of any relationship. Not to mention, the pressure to have mind-blowing sex can be a huge turnoff. 

In that regard, I’m relieved of flying solo this holiday, but the thought of going to bed (alone) on February 14th while everyone else unanimously fucks the brains out of each other, leaves me tossing and turning in bed mad with FOMO. Although single and not always ready to mingle, I can assure you that I’m always DTF. So what’s a sexual deviant, such as myself, to do? Friends.


As a queer person, many of my friends are people I’ve met through being a filthy heathen. Whether on the Sniffies, in the meat rack, or in a seedy bathroom stall, I more often than not realize that the person I swapped DNA with doesn’t just suck great D but also doesn’t generally suck. Subsequently, I’ll find myself in their company more and more, and then suddenly, they get my dick wet and my eyes with tears of laughter. 

And it’s not just me. It’s a common thing in our community. Think about all the times you’ve met people and asked, “how did you all become friends?” 

“We fucked,” they’d reply.

 It’s what I love about us. We’ve always thought outside of the box when finding “love.” Love isn’t just about being in a monogamous, heteronormative relationship. Our love takes so many different and exciting forms. Maybe it’s because the traditional avenues of connecting with others, such as school, work, or religious institutions, have been stripped away from us at one point or another. Or maybe it’s because we’re horny fuckers that blur the lines between friendships and essential needs. 

But this Valentine’s Day, I’m thinking about my friends… with benefits. It’s out with the pressure created by cringy yet clever marketing and in with the friends that make you scream in multiple ways. Maybe you don’t have a consistent FB to turn to. Perhaps they're already tied down or tied up and you’re still horny AF. Now is the time to make new friends. The Singles Club is a large legion. Don’t think of it as dating. Save that for the suckers who have fallen for Cupid’s marketing scheme. Be a friend and suck their dick. Instead of red wine and chocolate, why not shoot cum with the person you shoot the shit with? Don’t just grab a beer. Grab their dick. Whatever the situation, if you find yourself alone on Valentine’s Day, and have a good friend that’s fucked you well, give them a call. It’s our time to reclaim the holiday.

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