Gay Hookup Apps: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

September 22, 2020

Gay Hookup Apps: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

We sort through it so you don’t have to.

Grindr

“You gay bro?”
“Nah just here to network”

Who’s on it? Lots of people. Grindr is international, and guys use it to network and chat as often as they use it to actually facilitate a hook up. At the very least it’s a great way to figure out if that guy at the gym is gay or not.

Best for? Scoping out the scene in a new town, flirting for weeks with someone you’ll never meet, getting catfished. 

Downsides? Upgrading to Grindr Unlimited is a jaw dropping TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY NINE DOLLARS per year, money which could alternatively go towards...I don’t know a plane ticket somewhere cool? Like, 75 separate OnlyFans subscriptions? A very welcome donation to the charity of your choice?

 

hush-ad

 

Sniffies

“looking?”
“yeah”
“come over”

Who’s on it? Sniffies is a pretty mixed crowd. DL, bi, married, and curious guys are drawn to Sniffies because it’s easy to be as anonymous as they’d like. It’s also easy to find glory holes and cruising locales for a quick hook up. Kinksters and horndogs are on Sniffies because they know it’s the quickest no bullshit way to hook up.

Best for? Keying into the cruising scene, anonymous hook ups, cam to cam situations on LivePlay.

Downsides? DL guys don’t love sending pictures right away, so you may need to do some cajoling before you see who you’re messaging.

Scruff

“Saw you’re a realtor...
I’m actually looking for a new apartment”
“uh...ok...pics?”

Who’s on it? A lot of daddies, bears, and muscley guys. Ostensibly scruff is for hairier guys, but it’s large enough that there’s a pretty diverse crowd. 

Best for? Finding your exact sexual match, and sending whole albums of pictures at once. Scruff gives users more space to add info about themselves and their sexual preferences than most other apps, so you can really get a sense of who you’re talking to, and weed out who you’re not trying to meet. 

Downsides? Sometimes more isn’t better. I don’t really want to know what a guy does for work if I’m meeting him for a quick hook up. 

Tinder

“Hey cutie, what’s up” “Hello?” “Hellooooooo?”

Who’s on it? Lots of dudes looking to date. Or find a husband. Spend a weekend on Tinder, and it’s a virtual guarantee that you’ll meet five guys named Kyle who want a “partner in crime”.

Best for? Hopefully getting some free drinks, finding a serious relationship, mindless swiping. 

Downsides? You may get a ton of matches, but a lot of people don’t actually follow that up with a message, so the matches tend to not go anywhere.

Instagram

“That trip to Thailand looks beautiful”
“Thank you! It was!”
“Wanna see pics of my butt?
*read at 2:30PM*”

Who’s on it? Every person you’ve ever met. Every. Single. One.

Best for? Posting selfies, sliding into DMs to lay the groundwork for a meet up, staring at photos of someone else’s aspiration vacation to Thailand.

Downsides? IG isn’t a traditional digital hook up space, so you definitely have to spend some time making sure your flirtation is welcome, and not coming off as creepy.  

Facebook

“Hey!”
“Do I know you?”
“Yeah, you’re friends with my brother’s girlfriend’s neice’s soccer coach”

Who’s on it? Your parents, all your aunts, every person you went to highschool with, 9/11 conspiracy theorists.

Best for? Facebook Flirting is rare nowadays, but it does indeed happen. What’s more, Facebook’s ‘People You May Know’ algorithm is pretty uncanny, so if you pass a cutie on the street, you may see him in your feed the next day. 

Downsides? Many. Facebook has some pretty wack privacy policies, not to mention the whole platform is inundated with pro-Trump russian bots. It’s not an ideal place to meet guys, but you can if you really set your mind to it.

OkCupid

“Hello would you like to date for three years and then get married”
“yes”
“Perfect”

Who’s on it? OKCupid has one of the largest user bases of all the apps, and a solid reputation. There are a lot of different guys ok OKC, but in general they’re looking for relationships, so if hooking up is your thing, this may be a rocky road for you. 

Best for? Finding a dang husband, or at least upping your flirtatious messaging game.

Downsides? OKCupid creates matches by having you answer (endless) questions - the more you answer the more accurate your matching will supposedly be. How many people do you know that are self aware enough to answer questions about themselves honestly, though?